13 May 2009

I have been thinking for several days what the first post I want to place on this blog should be about and I never really came up with a great topic, but I was reading some old 'journal articles' that I keep in my documents and I found one I think is okay to start things off. It is not light reading and not too heavy, but I think it is about the way we women see our world. In this case, our past. In my writing and reflection time I went to back in my mind to 1971 when I was 19. That was the year I quit college and my parents had fit. They threw me out of the house and let me know I would get nothing further from them. Don't get me wrong, I was still a part of their lives, I just was to look to someone other than them for help in developing myself. I had missed my chance. So, I went back and talked to this young woman (me). I told her it was okay to feel your way around this world and make mistakes when are young and alone. I told her there were other options for her but no one at the time told her. I got a chance to ask her, " What is the problem?" and "What do you need?". I even went so far as to ask what I could do to help her stay on track. Her answer really startled me. She asked me to celebrate her. This broke my heart. Could she really not see how special she was? "Just stay and talk. Have no time you have to leave. Have some food. Have a glass of wine. Listen to me. Sit here by this heater in the floor and get to know me. Invest in me. Let me decide when you know me all the way through." My answer was, "Of course, I can do that. I can show you who you will become. I can show you that you will survive. I can listen for years. Do you want to see where you live when you are 55?" You may be asking why I am taking you on this trip with me? It just stikes me that to often I have been like my parents. I have wanted out when my children have departed from what I clearly saw as the path they must take - you know the one. When they do the right thing their suffering is diminished and I get to look like a really good parent and my Christmas letter reads like we are God's favorite and should be your favorite, too. Far too seldom have I asked, "What is the problem?" and then listened for the answer. I should have done that. I should have said, "I will love who you become. I will stand by you and you will survive. I can listen for years". I want to ecourage you to do that for your children. Jane Kelly

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